Vickie Conde
I decided to write this paper because I saw how much injury and hurt we do to each other and ourselves when we refuse to forgive. Even within the church body we still judge, withhold acceptance, hang on to old resentments and refuse to extend the grace we have received. In doing this we are acting as if we do not believe in the forgiveness of God, or His ability to continually change us into “new creatures in Christ”. In observation I noticed how many believers were so afraid of exposing the truth of how Jesus true nature invaded our souls and brought healing and release of the bondages we were in. Many times I myself experienced tremendous victory when the Holy Spirit illuminated areas of unforgiveness. And the ways I was refusing to believe that God could change someone else. Truth leads me into the freedom of believing that God’s forgiveness was enough for all of my sins and the “sin of the whole world”. The belief that God was bigger than sin, and in addition had provided through Jesus’ death on the cross perfect provision for complete forgiveness for all.
In my own life I experienced areas where I had held on to judging another for something that was done to me years ago as well as something that happened yesterday. Discovering these areas opened the door to a freedom that I never dreamed possible, freedom from fear of another’s judgment, freedom from my own condemnation and comparing myself to anyone else. Every time the Lord exposed my unforgiving heart it gave me an opportunity to experience more of God’s grace in my life, and then being a vessel of God’s hand to extend this powerful love to someone else.
Just for the record the word “unforgiveness” does not exist in the Bible or the dictionary.
I wonder why a word that is used so much shows up as a misspelled word.
Perhaps it could be interchanged with condemnation.
Mat 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Mat 18:22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
My first question was, where did the number seven fold first get introduced in the Old Testament? Seven fold or seven times over means seven times seven.
Gen 4:15 But the LORD said to him, "Not so ; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over." Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him.
Cain kills Able. Cain did not admit his sin, nor does he show any remorse but still God did not kill Cain. In fact, God protects Cain from others taking the revenge for the sin he has committed. The seven times seven was a strong warning to keep anyone from hurting Cain. But Cain is sent away from the garden and without God the need for revenge grows. When sin is committed the hatred grew. Without God sin abounds. The hatred begets hatred and so does the need for revenge. Early on in Gen. we see the concept of punishment for sin was in place. An eye for an eye is not satisfying. The need to punish increases. Payment for what is owed, plus and extra measure. This is what happens when God is left out of the picture of forgiveness. There isn't any! There is no one to pay the debt.
Gen 4:23 Lamech said to his wives, "Adah and Zillah, listen to me; wives of Lamech, hear my words. I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for injuring me.
Gen 4:24 If Cain is avenged seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times."
The human need is for vengeance and was also culturally correct. In fact, to not retaliate was to bring on shame. God in the Old Testament did not do that here with Cain. Nor did he do that for our sin, but required a sacrifice. It is through Christ that we are able to enter a new covenant of grace. Still our God was always the provider of the sacrifice. Whether it is Abraham and Isaac being given the ram for the altar, or Jesus on the cross. We can never repay the debt of our sin. Our sin was never something we could make up for. The concept of working to pay off the debt is simply impossible then as well as it is now. Yet many of find us as born again Christians trying so hard to repay God for His perfect sacrifice. It was then, and now, and forever will be IMPOSSIBLE. Why does it seem so difficult to just receive His Grace with humble acceptance and gratitude?
Mat 18:23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
Mat 18:24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
King (Strongs Definition) 935 basileus, bas-il-yooce'; prob. from G939 (through the notion of a foundation of power); a sovereign (abs., rel. or fig.):--king.
John 6:65
He went on to say, "This is why I told you that
no one can come to Me unless the Father has enabled him."
"The King" initiates relationship. He pursues us to have relationship. He has the servant brought to Him. Forgiveness originates in the ‘Heart of the Father.’ He is the creator of the gift we can only hope to extend to others.
Think about a time you owed someone a debt and were unable to repay it, a human response is to avoid the person that you are indebted too. At times in our spiritual walk God calls us to Him, to show us where we need Him to repay the debt for our sin. This happens all throughout out our Christian walk. It is a continuing process.
Psalm 51 1-3
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Blot (Strong's Definition) 4229 machah, maw-khaw'; a prim. root; prop. to stroke or rub; by impl. to erase; also to smooth (as if with oil), i.e. grease or make fat; also to touch, i.e. reach to:--abolish, blot out, destroy, full of marrow, put out, reach unto, X utterly, wipe (away, out).
In order to blot something there is a time that transpires in order for the substance to rise to the top. When something is blotted whatever is being lifted must first rise to the top. As you boil meat the fat rises to the top and at that point it can be lifted out and the process can be repeated. Another example is blood. Sometimes the wound is gushing and needs immediate attention, other times it slowly continues to bleed and you have to repeat the process of blotting. God allows the sin that we have not realized or admitted too arise in our consciouness thereby it becomes exposed into the Light. Sins’ obvious nature has a way of becoming more and more obvious to others and ourselves till we enter into the Throne of Grace to be forgiven.
The King (Our God) is always aware of our unconfessed sin. He knows that we will need Him to remind us; the Word tells us that He enables us to come to Him. We are not able to have the abundant life with God when our sin is separating us. The King is aware of it even if we aren't. He is always the highest in authority and still He is able to have intimate awareness of all His children. He initiates the interaction, it isn't the servant who decided to come forward and ask for help. We cannot hide our sin from God, nor would we want to. The only thing it can possibly do is interfere with what we really want, the love that we desire most.
As we consider the unbelievable amount the servant was in indebted for it is difficult to imagine in our culture a person who asked to sell himself, his spouse and children, plus everything he owned so that he could repay his debt. That is really hard to identify with, especially since in the USA it would be illegal, but in other places in the world it is a common practice. Why is so difficult to fathom the truth we can never repay our own debt of sin. Why can't we just "do" something that would make up for what we did? The Truth is there isn't anything that we can do to make it right with God. Jesus is the only way.
John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
If we really believe that He is the only perfect sacrifice then we would not to try to repay him. We could continue to acknowledge all His power and graciousness. We would rest in His loving kindness. Knowing just how much we are loved, how loving our Lord is, how compassionate He is. We would stop trying to earn His love. We would believe His love is greater than all our sin, faults, and weaknesses. We would stop trying to prove ourselves to Him and accept ourselves to be made righteous by Him, and not our works. We would fall before Him and worship in Spirit and Truth. His Truth! Jesus is Truth! We would truly humble ourselves and pray. We could trust in His love and not our own version of what love is. We would admit our inability to define love. We would accept that we have a limited understanding of who the King of Kings really is. We simply cannot comprehend God's love. No amount of intellectual study will ever reveal it to us. It is through the Holy Spirit revealing that we will begin to understand. And we will probably forget it the next week and have to be reminded again. This is His Grace, He understands that we are human and forgetful. He understands we are fearful humans without the strength to hold on to Him, so He holds on to us. He understands we will sin and has made all the provision for the sins we do today and tomorrow in advance. This does not mean we go on sinning, but we can go on worshipping. We are loved by the One so intimate that He is alive within us. The One who created us in His image, in His love, loves us profoundly and perfectly. We do not need to depend on ourselves, who are limited, but we can depend on Him who has no limits. He is the Alpha and the Omega. Can we comprehend that? I can't. I understand human thinking is always faulty. It is dependant on so many factors. God's ways are different than mine, His are Perfect, His Provision is Perfect, and so is His Grace.
Mat 18:27
Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
Notice that in Mat. 18:23 the text said "king", now the text changes and uses the word "Lord" instead. It changes when ‘He is moved with compassion’. It's hard to imagine a Lord that can create the entire universe and still be moved with such an all-encompassing love. A love that goes into action, not only does it provide for the payment of sin but also looses the servant and frees him to go. Is that why The King is so amazing with His grace? Not only does He pay the debt--He doesn't demand repayment. He calls us into the freedom to worship with hearts of gratitude. Humanly speaking I have been taught if someone does something for me I must repay the exact amount. In His spiritual kingdom perhaps a way of showing our gratitude is made through extending what we have freely received and extending it to others. This is such a difficult challenge. I was taught to take an account of how I treat others and how they treat me. Now to allow myself to be re-taught to believe 'freely I have received, now freely give,' this is a big life-style change.
The payment for sin was so complete; the servant is free to go. Yes, and free to return to run up the debt of sin again. The freedom that the Lord gave to the servant wasn't just that He cancelled all the debt and retained the man in prison. What the Lord did was erase the debt and then allowed the servant his freedom to freely chose to incur debt again or to choose not too. True liberty is freedom without external controls. The Christian experience is different because now the will of man chooses to submit his will to "Thy Will". Being human I forget that my Heavenly Father Grace's looks far different from mine. I may forgive my child their wrong doing but then limit them their freedom to make sure they don't repeat their offense.
Forgiveness comes without us promising to be a perfect person from then on. God knows that would be impossible for us to do. He will allow us to walk in the Spirit, or miserably stay in our own state pf misery. He allows us the liberty to make right choices or the wrong ones. When we are willing to acknowledge that He has made the Only True Payment of our debt, and admit our sin, and humbly receive His Grace. We are set free. The Truth will set you free. Forgiveness allows us to return to our Lord and begin all over again. Thus we may be reconciled to our Lord over and over.
His love is different from mine. All that is required from me is the willingness to return to Him again humbly, remorsefully, and admit my wrongdoing. I have learned that being honest about just how hurt and injured I am from the person who committed sin against me and how much I have injured another with my lack of grace and compassion come from the conviction of the Holy Spirit that bears the mark of Christ’s humility.
Lord (Strong's Definition) 2962. kurios, koo'-ree-os; from kuros (supremacy); supreme in authority, i.e. (as noun) controller; by impl. Mr. (as a respectful title):--God, Lord, master, Sir.
Moved with compassion (Strong's Definition) 4697. splagchnizomai, splangkh-nid'-zom-ahee; mid. from G4698; to have the bowels yearn, i.e. (fig.) feel sympathy, to pity:--have (be moved with) compassion.
Loosed (Strong's Definition) 630. apoluo, ap-ol-oo'-o; from G575 and G3089; to free fully, i.e. (lit.) relieve, release, dismiss (reflex. depart), or (fig.) let die, pardon, or (spec.) divorce:--(let) depart, dismiss, divorce, forgive, let go, loose, put (send) away, release, set at liberty.
Forgave (Strong's Definition) 863. aphiemi, af-ee'-ay-mee; from G575 and hiemi (to send; an intens. form of eimi, to go); to send forth, in various applications (as follow):--cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.
Mat 18:26
The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Worshipped (Strong's Definition) 4352. proskuneo, pros-koo-neh'-o; from G4314 and a prob. der. of G2965 (mean. to kiss, like a dog licking his master's hand); to fawn or crouch to, i.e. (lit. or fig.) prostrate oneself in homage (do reverence to, adore):--worship.
The servant is now free to go but instead falls down and worships, acknowledging that the King is now the Lord of his life. But he still seems to miss the point that he can never pay back to the Lord what has been freely given to him because of his statement that he ‘will pay thee all’. It is such an extremely difficult concept to understand that we cannot pay back what has been given to us. But are called to extend what we have been given to others.
Luke 10:37 The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."
God's grace is not something the Lord needs us to repay Him. He is the origin of all grace. What He desires is gratitude and a grateful heart that is full of worship. He desires us to extend grace and mercy that we have received to others. To keep a full knowledge of the truth of our status, that everyday we live we need Jesus as our daily bread. Every day of our lives we sin and need his unconditional forgiveness. Everyday of our lives we need to extend forgiveness to others who have sinned against us.
Mat 18:28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
Mat 18:29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
Throat (Strong's Definition) 4155. pnigo, pnee'-go; strengthened from G4154; to wheeze, i.e. (caus. by impl.) to throttle or strangle (drown):--choke, take by the throat.
It seems as if it is so much easier to receive forgiveness than to give what we have received. It's difficult to offer grace and forgiveness completely and unconditionally to another who has injured us. Isn't it frustrating when we see another who is sinning--to just believe they need grace directly from the Lord for their actions? Sometimes it's easier to say they need to have conditions on forgiveness from the Lord. They must do certain "things" to put themselves in right standing before us to receive our "good graces".
Rom 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
inexcusable
379. anapologetos, an-ap-ol-og'-ay-tos; from G1 (as a neg. particle) and a presumed der. of G626; indefensible:--without excuse, inexcuseable.
There is such danger in passing judgment and withholding grace and forgiveness. Many times we are unaware that we are still holding something against another. There are ways that the Lord calls us to account, and when we refuse to release the other person we are miserable and many times have no idea why. Perhaps one of the real problems is we do not fully understand the concept that our debt was truly "paid in full", and there is ABSOUTELY NOTHING WE CAN DO, but receive. Our posture as a Christian is one of true humble status. We are servants without doing anything to be "hired" by our Father in Heaven. We simply are His children whom He loves completely, irrationally, and unconditionally. Are we at our human core unable to retain that truth on a moment-by-moment basis? Instead always striving to return to the world's system of hell bent determination. Yearning to be "good" by the world's works or tasks and are limited too human achievements. Yet time and again our "Lord" calls us in to remind us that we continually stand in our own need of grace and forgiveness, which is a "gentile" reminder to extend the same forgiveness to others. There is no shame is needing grace and acknowledging it, that's the start of humility.
When we refuse to forgive we then are strangling the other's throat. Preventing another person from breathing in the Life Giver or is it perhaps a picture of ourselves preventing oneself from receiving God’s Life Giving Grace. What a symbolic picture, to want to kill someone for the repayment of his or her sin against me. How graphic to expose the motive of the heart. How deadly is the act of unforgiveness. Now the picture becomes crystal clear how important it is to allow the King of Kings to thoroughly clean our hearts. Unknowingly we refuse the King's grace to flow through us. We stop the "life-giving" love that draws others to Jesus. "They will know we are Christians by our love".
To the unchurched the “body of Christ” may even seem a hostile place, in fact an unlikely environment to experience God’s flowing grace. Rigidity, legalism, traditions, rules, and non-verbal rejection seem to plague the church as a whole. If we were as a body we able to allow non-believers to see the truth of Christians continually standing in need of God's mercy and grace, truth and love, I believe there would be an explosion of non-Christians flocking to the church. It saddens me to hear comments from Christians saying I have to go outside the church to find people whom they can be honest for fear of being judged within the body. Earlier this week a new woman came for the 1st time into a bible study that I belong too and said, "She didn't think she would fit because she was having so many problems in her marriage." Thank God! This bible study group was honest and opened up and shared the truth of their own Christian struggles in marriage.
Imagine Christians admitting to their struggles with being unable to forgive. Understanding that they must fully depend on God's grace in order to forgive. Imagine a church that not only forgives, but also allows people to return to the body after they have sinned against the body. A Christ-like church door that swings back and forth, allowing people to leave when they need too but also to return when they were ready. The key would be that when they returned they wouldn't be judged for how long it takes, and forgiven for the way they had to leave. When there is no judgment for the sin, no condemnation, the door never swings shut when the prodigal son is ready to return. We the church would be waiting not only inside the doors but standing on the porch longing for the reconciliation with our lost sons. When the son returns to the Father, the Father holds no judgment against the child.
Luke 15 (NKJV)
20 "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.
21 "And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet.
23 'And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry;
24 'for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry.
The Father allowed His son to leave, He allows His son to return. Notice how it says 'Quick', (although it's not in the Strong's). What is doesn't say is:
Then the Father waited for 3 years to make sure the son was completely trustworthy. Once He saw that the son had properly repented, remorseful, and repaid everything he had spent then the Father forgave him with certain conditions on his relationship.
The Father knows what reconciliation is. The Father loved, loves, and will always love the son.
When we like the servant who throws his fellow servant into prison for such a small amount, have ourselves become the older brother. Do we truly want our brother to be reconciled to the Father? Do we think there is not enough grace, love, or forgiveness for both of us? Are we slamming and locking our brother out of the Father's house? Or are we actually locking ourselves out? Just whom are we punishing?
Mat 18:31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Mat 18:32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Mat 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
Sorry (Strong's Definition) 3076. lupeo, loo-peh'-o; from G3077; to distress; reflex. or pass. to be sad:--cause grief, grieve, be in heaviness, (be) sorrow (-ful), be (make) sorry.
People are always watching and testing Christians. In this case they also participated in what was going on. What the 1st servant did, affected not only his fellowservant but also ‘other fellowservants’. When we refuse to forgive it affects not only us but also others around us. It causes others grief and distress. To refuse to forgive in some way must injure others also. To think that I cause grief in my own children when I reject forgiving someone. But it is also a way of teaching my prideful response to others who have sinned against me. This causes me to really think through what I am teaching my children through example.
Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
delivered (Strong's definition) 3860. paradidomi, par-ad-id'-o-mee; from G3844 and G1325; to surrender, i.e. yield up, intrust, transmit:--betray, bring forth, cast, commit, deliver (up), give (over, up), hazard, put in prison, recommend.
Hanging on to unforgiveness never makes one safe. Unforgiveness is hanging on to sin. This will never protect anyone. If our loving Father did not entrust us to our own misery we would simply have no understanding of the damage that we are doing to others and ourselves. This act of the Father entrusting us to our own judgment allows us to find out just how miserable a life it is without His grace.
Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
True reconciliation is when the heart is clean. There is no withholding of God's love to others. Jesus is as free to go to them, as He is to come to us. His love is equal to all. There is absolutely no inequality in God's kingdom. We are directly accountable to God first. The door of our hearts' swings open and if we are honest they may (at times) swing shut. If we acknowledge the Holy Spirit’s illumination to us when we have slammed the door shut to someone with unforgiveness, we will then identify that we are now the same as the one who has sinned against us. We are all simply one sinful human at a time desperately standing in need of forgiveness. To withhold forgiveness, means to sin against God. If I am depending on myself alone to forgive, then I am missing the power of Jesus Christ. What is so hard to do is just admit the truth of how we are unable to forgive; to actualize that we are sinning against God is the same way as the person who has sinned against us.
Does this mean that we must invite someone who has injured or abused us to dinner? Maybe, but maybe not, each circumstance must be prayed about and good counsel sought out. Praying and asking for wisdom and discernment is foremost whenever there is a difficult decision to be made. God’s timing is perfect! To run ahead of God could cause someone to think we forgive them so there is no need to ask God’s forgiveness. On the other hand to withhold forgiveness this may lead another to think their sin is unforgivable thus misrepresenting Jesus death on the cross.
When I have remained in that state of unforgiveness then I must ask God for the forgiveness of my own sin. When I have fully acknowledged that I am just as sinful as the person who has wronged me, I receive God's grace and with that grace I can extend it to someone else.
When two Christians have sinned against each other they have access into the King's resources of grace and forgiveness. Each receives forgiveness of their own sin, with that they have an opportunity to show gratitude to God by allowing the Holy Spirit to flow freely one towards one another. This is an act of worship, being a light in the darkness, and allowing the humility of Christ be our shield and not our pride.
We as Christians have an opportunity to reflect the grace of Christ in submitting ourselves to the Holy Spirit and allowing God's grace to pass through us towards others. I wonder if the church as a whole realizes the power of forgiveness. When we are Christ-powered with loving grace, the example of John 3:16 is manifest in a way that is not easily explained.
When we withhold grace and extend the legalism instead, others may not so easily understand what Christianity is all about. In place of God’s righteousness they may experience self-righteouness. The sorrow in that is the road to Jesus may look closed. They may think they must be “good” in order to receive Christ, their sin to big or unforgivable, and ultimately God’s love is not enough to cover their weakness and sinful nature.
When we are dealing with unbelievers it seems at times easier to forgive. We know they do not understand, they do not believe they have an opportunity to forget revenge and RECEIVE. Simply they do not understand it’s “My job to avenge, says the Lord”. They need to be repaid, and without Christ’s payment on the cross they will never be satisfied thus the need for more and more revenge.
For centuries man has tried to get revenge, and only managed to continue hatred from one generation to another. Hatred, resentment, and judgment, are Satan’s tools keeping us from experiencing the Love of God. This is the stuff wars are birthed from. I think at different times in our lives we have confused unforgiveness as protection against being injured again. The truth is God is our protector never, sin against sin. Learning to listen to God’s leading in each situation keeps us in a posture of dependence on the Lord’s will and not our own. Thus entrusting our safety to God alone.
Mat 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Mat 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
There is a warning at the end of this chapter, as well as the end of the Lord’s Prayer that there is a consequence to withholding forgiveness.
Our Father wants the best possible life for us. He wants us to live the abundant life with his grace and enjoy the life He provided for us everyday. He wants us to experience incredible freedom within the Body of Christ, our own earthly families, and within all our relationships. Jesus came in the fullness of grace. He understands each of us intimately and completely, better than we will ever understand ourselves. When we realize that God is always there waiting for us to allow Him to clean our hearts’, inside and out. His timing is so perfect. He understands when we are in process. He will allow us to think we are locked out for a while, till we are ready to return into His abundant loving and living. We’ve all been given a choice. What’s so amazing about His grace is He never locks the door; it is us that chose prison over freedom. Everyday we are given another chance to choose God’s grace over our own torture. God’s Grace is amazing.
Mat 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
God didn’t make a mistake when JESUS taught us the Lord’s Prayer, teaching us that we would always stand in need of forgiveness on a daily basis. We will continue to learn to ask to be forgiven as we forgive. He understood we would need His power to forgive another. Grace and Forgiveness are from the Father, He waits on us to reach out and admit our need for Him. His Grace, Forgiveness and Love are Amazing.
Lord,
Show us where we need forgiveness, and show us where we haven’t been forgiven. In Jesus Name--Amen